Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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