well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
