Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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