I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
