I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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