I love black thongs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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