a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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