Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
