I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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