how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
