I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
