i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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