Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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