She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
