You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
