I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nicole vs. Life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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