I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
