i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
