I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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