im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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