Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
