mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
