I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
