Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
