Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
