Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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