just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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