does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
