just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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