I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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