at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
