it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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