Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
