I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a search helicopter?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
