Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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