i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
