You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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