I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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