A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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