Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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