Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
