just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
