Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
