If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
