I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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