Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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