He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
