It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
