I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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