i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
