Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
